I Challenge U Series

I Challenge U Series Blog

February 2012 - Overcoming the Fear of Rejection

Thursday February 2, 2012

I Challenge U to enjoy the experience of being rejected!

Fear of rejection is an irrational fear of not being accepted for who you are. It limits you in building relationships with people and speaking up in life. This fear can make you lose your identity and kill your confidence and self-esteem. Worst of all, the fear of rejection can make you insecure about any action you might want to take personally or professionally.

That’s why it’s so important to overcome this fear. It limits your ability to excel in life. It can cause you to be uncomfortable with meeting new people, taking risks, or being honest. One of the reasons why rejection can cause us so much difficulty is that in our minds we often tie rejection to negativity like humiliation, inadequacy, uselessness, etc. The more we dwell negatively upon an instance of rejection, the harder it becomes to get up the courage to face an occasion when we might get rejected again.

This fear is based on the idea that someone else has the ability to decide how you feel about yourself. You are giving people control over you. That’s terrible--other people controlling you. Now, here is the great news: you can change that. You can change the whole emotional experience of rejection by considering three things:

1. Rejection viewed as positive.

Change what you say to yourself about rejection. Don’t tie yourself down with negativity. How can you view rejection to make it positive and constructive? Think of things like, it could be that you are a step closer to your next success, or could be a great lesson, or could be a challenge that you set yourself and accomplished, or could be a funny story to tell your friends later . . . I can go on and on, but I think you get the idea.

One day, you will be able to look back at the time when you asked your biggest client to buy a new product and he laughed in your face--and now you are laughing about it. Rejection isn’t as bad as we make it! Associate rejection with positive points and observe how much easier it will be for you to be proactive in doing some amazing things.

2. Its instant.

This is amazing! Getting rejected is very quick and painless after the event. It’s an instant--that’s it! Let me ask you to do something. I want you to remember the last time you tasted something you didn’t like. Can you remember it? Many people will not even remember that unless it was very recent. But if you can remember, what did you associate that taste with? You probably cannot recall the exact association because it is difficult to remember instants.

That’s the same here. The slight pain of rejection will last for only seconds--then it’s gone! We don’t need to build up hours or even days of worry to deal with an instant--that’s just ridiculous.

3. Practice makes it easier and more fun.

Approaching strangers and making new conversation gets much easier over time. The more you practise it, the more natural it becomes and the less fear you’ll have. I invite you to talk to new people every day, at work, at the mall, in the elevator, even on the streets. This will make you practise more and more. You don’t have to get into deep conversations--a simple smile and a hello will do as a start. I recommend you do that every day for the next seven days and see how it gets easier by the day.

Go for it – have fun getting rejected!

January 2012 - New Year Resolutions

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I Challenge U to come through on your New Year's Resolution!

Did you make a new year's resolution yet? Many of us have a great new year’s resolution in January! We tell ourselves that we will commit to losing weight, quitting smoking, getting a new job, pursuing a hobby, and so forth. But how many of us actually follow through? (OK. You don’t have to answer that!)

I’m sure we might have good intentions, but these intentions can get derailed. A study shows that more than 85% of people fail in coming through within the first two weeks of January – WOW!

So today, I challenge you to be the 15% of the people and come through. Make 2012 the year that YOU make a great New Year's resolution - and follow through successfully. Surely, I will not challenge you without giving you some tools and techniques to be successful. So voila, here are four powerful ones that I share with my clients:

1. EMOTIONAL CONNECTION:

In setting your new year’s resolution, make sure the goal is straight from the heart. Your goal has to be truly important to you, not what you think you ought to do or what others expect of you. Tim, one of my clients told me about how his boss was trying to make him quit smoking and convinced Tim to make that his new year’s resolution. Tim agreed, but he was just doing it to please his boss. His boss kept giving him articles everyday to read about how smoking can kill you and it’s bad for the lungs, teeth, etc ... Tim got so sick of reading these articles and eventually quit. Quit smoking? No, quit reading! Set a goal that YOU want to achieve, if there is no true emotional connection, there will not be any success – that connection will trigger action and commitment!

2. WRITE IT DOWN

First visualize the goal. If you can see it in your mind, you can subconsciously move in that direction. Close your eyes and capture that picture in your mind that you have successfully achieved it. See it, Feel it, smell it. Write it down in three parts: what, how, and why. This is your visualization for what will happen, how you will do it, and what the benefits will be. It needs to be visible to you every day. Write it in big bold letters, frame it, and hang it on your bedroom wall.

3. SET YOUR REWARD SCHEME

You will need to celebrate your successes to keep the momentum. Set milestones for short-term wins and reward yourself for your ongoing accomplishments throughout the journey. Go for it and give yourself a pat on the back-it really goes a long way. Let’s go back to the example of smoking. It usually takes 21 days to break a smoking habit, so set yourself a 7, 14, and 21 day reward scheme. For example: when you are smoke-free for 7 days, treat yourself to a full day at the spa. When you are smoke-free for 14 days, buy yourself a new iPod. When you are smoke-free for 21 days, celebrate by smoking a big cigar . . . NO . . . but you get the idea!

4. GO PUBLIC

You need a major announcement. Go public with your commitment. Tell the close people in your life about the change you want to make. Make a formal pledge to them of what you want to do. This will not only make your commitment even stronger, but also encourage your family and friends to cheer you on (create a cheerleading team for yourself).

You will hit a few hurdles on the way ... it’s ok. Don't give up - keep going! Know that falling down is part of your success. NOTHING EXTRAORDINARY COMES EASY. You need to be hungry and get back up. If there is a strong emotional connection to your new year’s resolution, solutions will appear. So plan that you will fall down and visualize yourself getting back up!

Good luck ... be the change you want this year and have a great 2012!

1:23 pm est Comments

2012.01.01